I dont do dormitories: Salty in Salta

Well it had to happen the first full and frank discussion with a fellow traveller. And honest it wasn´t my fault.

But before going on to describe this vicious attempt to cower me into subnission. I´ll give a brief description of Salta. A pleasant town, about the size of Edinburgh, with great weather, numerous squares with fountains and palm trees; surrounded by low hills, which are covered in trees. A really terrific setting. One of the hills has a cable car to the top where you can see some of the high Andes. It is also a base for treks into the Argentine Alto Plata. But as you can imagine I have had enough of high altitude, so there was none of that.

Where Salta really excelled for me was the grub: I have had the best empenadas so far, stuffed with chicken, egg, mince, cheese, onion and grilled fish and as for the ice cream? Absolutely marvellous. But even these were topped by the bif de chorizo, a pound and a half of fillet steak, cooked rare and piping hot with a side dish of mashed spuds, all for less than a tenner. Bliss.

As for the full and frank discussion, well that came about on the last night of my stay in Salta when the management in the hostel I was staying in told me they had double booked my room, well as I was already in the room my view was it wasn´t my problem. They got quite persistant saying that this was a regular and they didn´t want to let him down. Still not my problem. They then suggested that I move to one of their dormitories. Nope was my reply, they then offered to let me stay for nothing for the three nights I was booked with them, if I moved to the dorm. This was strange who was this person that they would make such a suggestion? But I figured how bad could one night in a dorm be?

Well I should have known better. There is a reason I dont do dorms: six beds in a room usually means people turning up pissed at four in the morning and other people leaving on trips at five in the morning, while the other guests would be subjecting me to burps farts and snoring´, but for three nights free acconodation I foolishly made an exception.

Things started well enough, two of the other guests were aussies who seemed ok, there was a third absent `room mate´ who I was told went out on a bender each night and came back in the early hours and snored like a pig for the rest of the morning. Great, I thought, but its only one night. I did wonder hy they didn´t dig the snorer up about his behaviour but put little weight on it. Any way, three in the morning in comes the person in question, Chinese in appearance, a big boy, and pissed out of his head as described he collapsed onto his bunk and snored the rest of the night away.

I was patient: I didn´t do anything, or say a word. That will teach me, I thought. Anyway I was leaving to get a bus at 7.30 I could catch up on my sleep then. I get up and go for a shower in the on suite bathroom .  When I return I am faced with one irate oriental fellow, who shouts at me, in an American accent, `could I not keep the noise down as people are trying to sleep`.

At this point I should say some of you have commented on my frequent use of sweary words so I´ll paraphrase what followed. You can use your imagination to figure out what was really said.

´Sorry´ I repled.
` You heard me`.
`You´ve got a nerve` I said, `given you´ve kept everybody awake, banging in here in the middle of the night and then snoring like a pig for the rest of it `.

He then told me to `go fornicate with my self you scottish fellatist`.
I responded to this request by calling him an oriental vagina.

For some reason this upset him even more and he made a move towards me.
If he expected me to withdraw he was dissapointed. I shortened the distance between us even more, and shoved my face into his, informing him that if he wished to discuss this matter further I would be more than happy to comply.

By this time the two antipodeans had risen , increasing the noise even further causing the the night porter to visit us.

Amazingly Charlie Chan´s bigger brother ( is that racist?) said to the porter I had threatened him because he had asked me to reduce the noise I was making as it was stopping people from sleeping.  At this point the two Aussies showed more testes than they had previously, by saying to the porter that it was the large oriental fellow who had started the debate and that he had been insufferable for several nights previous.

All the eastern aggressor could say to this was `why didn´t you guys say something earlier?`

Anyway it didn´t come to blows though it came close. I got ready to leave and my correspondent chuntered away under his breath, though I got the feeling he wasn´t used to rigorous debates.

As I say, I don´t do dorms. This one almost spoiled my bif de chorizo.

I´m now on my way to Iguazu falls, via Corrientes, the setting for Graham Greene´s ``The Honourary Consul`. Ah´m as literate as fuck me, eh? Or I would be if this Argentine keyboard let me punctate properly.